I'm I making too big a deal of this?

You know, some days I wonder if I am making too big a deal of this cancer thing.  SO MANY others have gone through this, worse cancer than I have.  Did it seem such a big deal to them?  I cannot guess what others feel or think.  I just know that to me it was a BLOW that I am still coming to terms with.

I have always been a strong woman, able to handle just about anything.  We have had troubles in our lives--I've been through a divorce and had to learn to live alone, take care of my self and my son.  I moved to a new town/new job alone and did not know anyone and did fine.  Frank and I lost two babies through miscarriages--two precious children we wanted.  I've had broken bones from falls and emergency surgeries to repair me.  Three years ago Frank had a sub-arachnoid hemorrhage and we dealt with that.  You all have had troubles, health issues, too, I know an we deal with them.  I have always felt that I could deal with anything. 

So why does this cancer seem like such a big deal to me?  Because all those other things (except for Frank's hemorrhage) I knew we'd get through--to me they were not life-threatening.  But to me this one (and Frank's hemorrhage) were life threatening.

Background:  my mother died of breast cancer at age 57--when I was a young woman.  Her cancer came up suddenly like this seems to have in me, and she too had chemo and radiation, and passed away after only 15 months.  I am 10 years older than she was, but gee, I guess I'm worrying what it that happens to me.  I'm not ready yet!  God, I'm not ready yet.  So seeing what happened to Mother has made me worry more and make a bigger deal of this.

But then we KNOW they have made huge advances in cancer treatment since 1981!  So I have faith that this will be cured and I will have MANY more years to come.  But you can see why I think this is a big deal!  I am ready for the chemo this week!! Ready to be sure no tumors grow anywhere else in my body.  Ready for the rest of my life!

After my echo cardiogram yesterday, Frank and I met with a Nurse Practitioner yesterday at Hope and she told us so much about my upcoming treatments and what to expect.  It was mind boggling.  She also gave me 4 or 5 prescriptions to take at various times and for various things.  She told me what to eat, what NOT to eat, how much water I had to drink each day, how frequently to wash out my mouth to avoid mouth sores, and much more.  When I got home, it was such a blur to try to remember it all and keep it straight.  I hope I have taken the right medications I am supposed to before my treatment today!!