The port is in...

I say that almost like the jury is in.  Gee, Tuesday's was another surgery to implant the port that will be used to deliver my "chemo cocktail" each time.  I am choosing that name for my meds because I want to be positive about it.  My mother used to call her chemo her "poison" and I never liked that term.  While it does poison the cancer cells, it is a life giver to me, healing me of those awful cells.  So I will call it my chemo cocktail.

Back to the port--I had heard from two people that this surgery was a "piece if cake".  Well maybe for some and maybe after it heals, but for today, this baby hurts and is very uncomfortable!  It is under the skin on your chest where a pacemaker goes.  It will be great for drawing blood and giving meds or delivering chemo.  Maybe it will feel better when the swelling goes down, then it might be fine.  But today I think it is a big adjustment for me.  It hurts!

Here are Frank and I before the surgery.  I suggested another "selfie" like we did last surgery, but he didn't want to do one.  So there's one of me (they let you wear NO makeup so you may never see me like this again!) and one of him contemplating the upcoming surgery.

This surgery was an easier transition for me from the operating room to the recovery room.  Maybe because I was not into so deep a sleep with this one.  Maybe because it was not so busy and noisy in the recovery room.  I can't say I remember a lot of the recovery room but was most aware that  she brought Frank to me and he was with me as she took me down to the discharge area.  But I remember crying as she took me on the elevator and wheeled me down.  The nurse asked me if I was all right, and I was, and honestly do not know why I was crying, except that I was so sad that all of this was happening to me--that it happens to so many of us.  How can your life be just clicking along one day, with you doing what you want, living the happy life, and suddenly be derailed by something in your body that you basically did nothing to cause!

I think about all the expense of this cancer battle and praise God I have wonderful insurance---but what do people do who don't have any or not very good  insurance. I so wish every person could have peace of mind about medical bills when they are going through a traumatic illness that occupies their minds.  I also think of all the people it takes to wage this cancer war with you.  And I am just starting.   So I cried for whatever reason as I was taken to dress and be released.

I was melancholy for the rest if the day, uncomfortable with the new port, and wondering how I will stand it in my body for 6 or so months.  But I am blessed to have it.  Mixed emotions.