Devastated....

I had hoped to post a happy message about my trip with Dad and Cynthia to Pigeon Forge last week.  But life has a way of changing our plans sometimes.

My sweet, sweet older sister Connie Fowler passed away suddenly yesterday and the whole world changed.  We remaining 3 sisters and our whole family, her children, Dad, all of us are just devastated.  It was so sudden!  Connie had a heart attack on Saturday and was in the hospital until Monday afternoon when they let her go home.  She had 100% blockage in one small vein/artery and they said most people do fine with that one as it was in an inoperable spot.  I talked to her about 1:00 yesterday and she seemed fine, and sounded so much better than she had on Monday.  I am not sure what happened, but she had an episode and they called the rescue squad and apparently they were unable to revive her.  Connie was only 70 years old!

I don't know alot of plans yet and will find out more today.  My heart goes out to her two daughters and her son and to her husband. Connie was the sole caregiver to Billy and he is unable to live/stay alone.  All of our hearts are broken!!  How can we go on without her???  This has sure been a fall with so much for us to endure in our family.

I have my third chemo treatment today and have my white blood cell shot on Friday, so I am unable to go be with my family for comfort until Friday afternoon.  I am just glad they moved my treatment up to today from Friday!  God's hand in things, I suppose.

I did find out yesterday the results of Monday's ultrasound on my thyroids.  I have several small growths on my parathyroids and they are referring me to a endocrinologist but we will not do anything (biopsy, etc.) until after my chemo ends in March.

Oh, me, life has dealt us some hard times to endure this fall.  With the love and support of friends, my family will get through this, but life as we knowit will NEVER bet the same.  Everytime my three sisters and I have gotten together since our mom died in 1981, Connie has insisted we take a "sisters picture."  Every Christmas the children had to wait to open their gifts until we took "the sisters picture."  At every child's wedding, the professional photographer had to take a "sisters picture."   It became a family joke, but still we set aside time to take that shot.  Now we treasure those wonderful pictures of us!  One Christmas Connie gave us all a "sisters photo album" and we all keep our sisters pictures in that.  Well, I started mine with pictures of when there were just the two of us, me and her, then added a shot of Becky with us and my third picture in my book is one when Cynthia joined us.  I wish I had time and room to post some of those MANY pictures in my collection.  Maybe in another entry.  We sisters have always said we did not know what we would do when one of us passed and there were just 3 of us.  Well, that time has come and we cannot believe it. We cannot bear it!

I pray for Connie's children and grandchildren.  She has had so much fun this fall shopping for their Christmas gifts, trying to select just the perfect gift for each one.  She's written to us sisters each time she got another gift that she felt was just right for one of her grandchildren.  Theirs will be such a sad Christmas this year as they open those gifts. 

Thank you for your prayers for my family during this time, and for me as I have yet another chemo treatment today.
Love to you all, Laura

It's all gone!

Just as Linda, our nurse practitioner, predicted, my hair started coming out in earnest Saturday and yesterday, days 17 and 18.  Today I was so bothered by all the hair falling out when I washed and dried my hair, that I told Frank it was TIME to do the buzz cut.  We decided not to shave my head, as I am supposed to avoid any nicks and cuts to my body (for fear of bacteria entering and settling in my port).  Frank used our clippers we use on our little Gabby and he did a good job of cutting me to the scalp!  I do not have a picture to share (didn't want to scare you!) but I'm OK with the almost bald head.  Frank says I have a "pretty head".  Me, I'm not to sure, but it is what it is.  It had to be done and would all go eventually anyway.

I have been wearing hats all morning around the house, to get used to a hat on my head.  These of course do not match my top, but here are two hats I am trying to get used to wearing.

 This one is my favorite.  I will have to learn how to shape it when I wear it, but I love the tweed color.

Honestly I think I'll probably go around here bald a lot of the time unless my head gets cold.   I slept in my Survivor buff and really liked the feel of it, so I'll probably use that a lot, too.

So the story goes on.  Was I upset to clip off all my hair?  No, not really.  Did I cry? Definitely not.  I know that is part of what these drugs to when they are healing my body.

Oh, on another note:  Linda (NP) found in my last blood test that my parathyroid hormone was almost triple what it should be.  So next Monday, I am going in for an ultrasound of my throat to see if there is something there.  Linda predicted I could have a benign tumor, but you never know.  I am glad they are checking everything about me to get it all fixed at one time!!  Will keep you posted on what that ultrasounds shows (or does not show).
Smiles, Laura

I felt yucky!

Well, the second treatment is over and I'm sorry I did not post sooner.  I was busy Friday morning and after that I just felt to yucky to write up an entry! 

My wonderful friend Mimi drove me to the second treatment and stayed with me. This one took longer as they were busy and the nurse could not get to us for almost an hour!!  I did not like having to sit and wait so long!

Here are Mimi and I during the treatment:
All hooked up and starting the saline in this shot.

 Here I am taking the red medication.  You can see if in the line going into me.  It's one of the "bad" drugs, but hopefully will kill the cancer cells.

 Here's friend Mimi keeping me company and cheered up during the treatment. We had a great time talking and catching up!

 I decided I would make little "thank you" boxes for those friends who drive me to treatments.  This is the first one and Mimi got it!  (I need to make sister Becky one, too, since she also drove me.) 

 Here is a side view with a little HOPE ribbon and Thank you on the tag.  I have some special candies I love inside. 

Our wonderful friends Dave and Susan brought over delicious lasagna for supper the night of my treatment.  We have so many friends who are caring for us and it means the world to us. 

I have two more of the treatments with these "heavy duty" drugs to go, then I'll have 12 weekly treatments with another drug.  But I am learning that I need to plan on having day 2 and 3 be "down days" for me.  Saturday all I did was lay on the bed and watch Hallmark Christmas movies.  They are so sweet and a nice way to pass time when one feels yucky!

This morning I feel better and will probably be 100% tomorrow.  I am going to Pigeon Forge on Tuesday - Thursday this week with my 94-year-old dad and my sister Cynthia, so I am looking forward to that.  Glad I'll be feeling better!
Smiles, Laura

Ready for Round 2

In a few minutes I leave for round 2 of my chemo treatments.  I know what to expect this time and am again ready for this.  The last two weeks have been good ones for me, for us.  Our "chemo coach" Linda said, "as the first treatment goes, so goes the rest of them" and she thought it was a good sign that I have not gotten nauseated nor had any bone pains.  We are delighted that I have only had a couple of days of feeling "wilted" and lacked energy.  The other days have been good ones, so I pray that continues, although I realize the treatments are cumulative and the fatigue could increase.  For now, I'm enjoying the good days. 

Tomorrow is day 15 and my hair is beginning to fall out.  No, not in big clumps yet, but many, many individual hairs as I wash and brush my hair--50 or so this morning dropped in my lap as I dried my hair.  I am enjoying this shorter "do."  I'll wear it like it is while there is enough there. Then Frank will give me a "buzz" cut with Gabby's clippers.  He sort of waiting to do that.  Humm...  Could it be that he's TOO eager to buzz me?  Ha!  He said if losing my hair is the worst thing we have to endure, that's gravy.  (Easy for him to say, he has all his hair.  Ha!  But honestly I don't think I'm worried about it.)

Our friends and family continue to surround us with their prayers, cards, love and devotion!  I have had 3 couples offer to bring dinner to us tonight.  Dave and Susan are bringing us lasagna.  Yummy!  What a wonderful blessing our friends are!!!  The only tears I shed now are when friends send me such sweet, sweet messages in emails or in cards and I am overwhelmed with gratitude for these wonderful people surrounding us with their love!

My friend Mimi is driving me to chemo today.  So many other friends says they "want to take a turn" that I guess we will have to set up a schedule.  I look forward to the times to visit with them each individually while the chemo drains in. 

I'll post again tonight or after my shot tomorrow afternoon.   I'm ready for Round 2 and can handle it!!!
Smiles, Laura

Hair and contemplating the lack of it....

Just like Dr. H. and his nurse told me earlier, our Nurse Practitioner Linda has told me I WILL loose my hair and I am OK with that.  I want my life saved, who cares if the hair is saved or not!!  All my friends who love me will just have to get used to seeing me with shorter or no hair or in a hat or cap.

I had a regularly schedule hair trim on October 17 and decided to let Shelly go ahead and cut my hair very short, so folks at church could start getting used to seeing me like that.  Here I am before that cut:

Here are Shelly and I right before she cut it.  (We aren't too good at selfies, but you get the idea.)  I know, I know, Frank says it is not that much shorter than before, but to me it was a big change, but you know, I like it shorter. 

This shot is of me the next day when I fixed the shorter "do" myself.  I kind of like it. Even after my hair comes back, I might keep it rather short.

Linda (NP) says I WILL loose my hair by day 15.  She's done her job for 30 years and with these drugs I'm taking, you always loose your hair.  Do I worry about that?  Honestly, no.  But you may hear differently from me after I have lost it all.  But I feel my hair does not define me. We'll see when the time comes.

One of the things I wanted Becky and I to do while she was here was to try on some hats and decide which I'd wear. I had some winter hats on hand from when I had my hair short once before years ago.  Shelly also sent me to a local store where they had some hats deep enough to cover all of a bald head.  And I had ordered some online from a place that specializes in hats for cancer patients  So Saturday morning, Becky and I spent the morning trying on and deciding which to return, which I'd keep, etc.  Here are some shots:

 My great Forest Service friend Kris Connor made this toboggan (below) and mailed it to me and I LOVE it!!  Isn't it the cutest!  Just matches my eyes.  She's such a jewel of a friend!  (I could never make it without my friends!!)  I will wear this one ALOT!!

 Here are a couple more hats:

Becky even got in the act with me and tried one herself. She liked it and said she might start wearing hats too.

There is some hair sticking out around the sides of the hat that will not be there eventually.  I tried to select hats in different colors to go with different color outfits I will wear.  I have some other hats I plan to wear scarves with.  One thing you do notice when you contemplate losing your hair and see these pictures is that a SMILE is very necessary for any look!!  I hope a smile will detract others from the hats and help them focus on ME. 
Smiles, Laura

The First Chemo treatment....

I am late writing this entry because Becky was here with me and I didn't want to stay on the computer writing it; nor did I really have time to download pictures for the entry.  I think it is better when you can see pictures to go with the entry. 

Here are shots of me as we entered the Hope Center on October 30 for the first chemo treatment. Becky and I could not resist taking a selfie! 

Becky liked seeing the Hope Center and it helped her to deal with my cancer.  The unknown is the hardest part of anything, so she had been so worried and sad about me and my cancer.  Her being there with me helped me and her.  

Here is a shot of the room and other ladies having treatments.  One girl was having her last one and they celebrated that.  It is a large, bright, airy room and the nurses are SOOO nice to you.

OK, time to start my treatment.  Here is one nurse putting in the first line into my port.

I guess the mask was to insure we did not get any infection into the port.  After bags of saline, anti-nausea drugs, and a couple of other things, they started my first of two chemo medications.  This one was red, so since it was Halloween-eve, I called it Dracula Blood. Figured I might as well have some fun with this. 

 I don't know what I expected it to "feel" like.  I thought it might be very warm, almost hot.  Or it could be very cold, I just didn't know.  Well, it was neither.  It just ran in.  I thought it might make you sleepy as it went in because you have to have a driver to drive you home.  It did not.  Becky and I were able to talk and visit or read mails, etc. while I had the treatment.  Here I am just sitting while the drugs enter my body.  You can see the port and line going it.

 So the day was different from what I expected.  I felt good afterwards and Becky and I went to lunch and then stopped at a local shoe store to try on some shoes.  There it is; the first treatment is over!!  Three of these to go, then I start on another medication.  Whew!  We are still standing!
Laura